philosoph.

i found this quote..and it touched me..it is so right to me...

"There is a phrase in zen Buddhism, muichi-motsu. "Hold nothing. If you meet Buddha, kill him. If you meet the Patriarchs, kill them."
Free of all, bound by nothing...you live your life simply as it is."
~ Genjyo Sanzo

make any more sense my lovelies?

robert frost/the road less traveled

ya know, when i really put my mind to it, i can write fairly decently...yesterday, for instance, i went on a hike down one of the lanes near my house, when the snow was still pure, and i felt such esquite feelings of dread and caution, that i simply had to write it down.....something about that road....it was my path in the wood, my road less traveled..i had a choice and i picked the unknown...i fear/know it will always be so with me...and it will probably lose me my love one day...and my life as well

http://www.ketzle.com/frost/roadnot.htm

i woke up to my mother singing this morning...heh...she sings usually, but this morning was particularly robust, as she was unaware there was anyone else in the house...seeing as how my da and sisters left me here this morning instead of taking me with them into work....not that i'm complaining, but still..i would have liked to know these plans in advance, so i could have, in turn made my own plans...noxious ppl....heh...anyway; here's my mum's morning song:

Tomorrow Lyrics

i like waking up to this better than to my horrendiously annoying alarm clock....gak...i think i might actually end up shooting the damn thing one of these days....however...this method of awakening has the negitive effect of sticking the litle orphan Annie theme-song in my head for days.......

Tears don't even command life
only dependence
~Hiei


much thanks to tina s. and my sister for the loan of the green day/anime "music video"

and i now have the 3rd saiyuki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!! that is such a hot series.....can't wait for the 7th to come out

random, agian

wayhay! SNOW! and it's getting rather deep over here....heh...my silly goatlings are acting rather oddly inebriated...i think snow makes them silly...and there is no way i can go into work today..its supposed to sleet on top of all this annoying white power ;) so there is no chance of me getting to town..i might ride in with mum later this week...but for now, i'm homebound....which means i will end up cleaning EVERYTHING...my poor closet..its gonna get scrubbed..i still have about 10 boxes i haven't yet sorted snice we moved last year...gotta get ready for college!!
speaking of college i just realized something...i have only applied to ONE college, ASU..that means if i don't make this audition, i am screwed...damn...how did i let this happen? its not hubris, it was just stupidity i think....i should have at least applied to UNCG...i mean, i have just as good of a chance of getting in there as ASU, i just despise Greensboro...i escaped, and i don't want to go back!!!! ahhh!!! so...i think i shall apply there...it may be late, but at least i have a back up for my ASU audition...i have already been accepted to ASU, but i still have to make my audition for the school of music....hermmmm...yeah...i am gonna apply at UNCG!! right now...as a matter of fact...sheesh, i can't believe i let this happen...ack!

something that's been in the ole music notebook

the human animal
looks around
curls its fingers
stands its ground
making its mark
its time to feed
politics, lies
sex and greed
they offer apology
you look askance
your assimilation
is advanced
I scream and scream
lungs are raw
they're chasing me
heed my call

i can't explain it
it's confusing me
and abusing me
what's walking this world
is not you or me

they call themselves
~peacekeepers~
we call them
~firebringers~
what they are is
~earthshakers
vowbreakers
mistakers
warmakers~

why do we
let
this
go
on?

keeping in line
staying in time
we're taken first
for all we're worth

no, no, it's not you
with your worldly views
it's not me
even though i can't see the light
niether of us is controlling our life

Don't Panic!

ok, so it has come to my attention that several of my lovey boyos have not read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...humph! so i will post one of my favorite quotes in the hope that some of you will take interest and check these out, borrow them from a friend, buy them, or something like that...
" Hence a phrase that has passed into hitchhiking slang, as in "Hey you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is." (Sass: know, be aware, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy)"

or how about this one:

"What do you mean you've never been to Alpha Centauri? For heaven's sake, mankind, it's only four light-years away, you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't be bothered to take interest in local affairs that's your own lookout.
"Energize the demolition beams."
Light poured out of the hatchways.
"I don't know," said the voice on the PA, "apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all." "

and my dears...if you ever have the chance to cross the galaxy... don't forget your towel...or your Guide...

babbling.....agian!! yay!

Sorry ‘bout the last entry loves, but I was a might peeved...anyway, it has passed, and I can now go back to writing you flowery sentiments, expletive free. *curtsies*
This shall be one of those postings where I talk about what I like in music and books…so get your espressos ready, here we go…
To start off with you must know that this summer I attended my first ever Grandfather Mountain Highland Games…and they were marvelous…I have read about them, and wanted to attend the Games, since even before I moved off the Christmas tree farm (nope, not the turnip truck, the Christmas tree farm!). I went, and I saw lovely boyos in kilts (my, it wasn’t the weather that was making me flushed!), and I heard…Off Kilter...and Clann an Drumma…two bands whom I have come to adore...if you haven’t been exposed to traditional piping bands, or Celtic rock, you are missing out…seriously missing out!!! The Clann is a group of exceedingly good traditional drummers *and one very energetic piper* from Glasgow, Scotland. They wear all the traditional gear, even the lass, whose name is Jackie, if I correctly remember…they played for a packed hillside (if you can ever truly pack a hillside, jk), and emerged sweaty, glowing and showered with praise. *and yes, I got pictures with 2 of the sweaty, lovely guys! The accents!! ***SWOON*** Claire knows what I mean!!* and autographs from 3, including the “bonny lass” who towered above me (which, jokes aside, is usually hard to do) I sincerely hope they return to play at the big 50th anniversary of the GFM Games this year…I plan to actually get a kilt in my clan colors *Sinclair!!* though I’ll have to save a bit, they are notoriously expensive…our colors (blues with small threads of red) more than make up for the fact that our family crest has a gamecock on it…I guess that’s what we get for following William the Bastard from France, heh heh…*note: the gamecock is the national bird of France…I think anyway…*
And Off Kilter...those wacky, wacky Canadians….imagine your favorite stage band in kilts and with bagpipes….its wonderful...they talk constantly, play covers of the strangest songs (Metallica…on PIPES?) and then cover some of the more traditional stuff, but its all up-beat, with a new spin put on it…they have dusted off the old classics and made them all their own! And they have the corniest sense of humor…but it works for them so well *”like chicken-fired Celtic? With some Fava beans?”* (you’d have to hear the CD to get that one, just ask, and I’ll be happy to share). They also play one of my most favorite of songs…possible my MOST favorite…Fields of Athenry…its not fast, not slow...its just…beautiful…tis very hard to explain, but if anyone is curious, I’ll be more than happy to share…they lyrics are all old country, but combined with the rock and pipes, its wonderful…
And YAY! The Hitchhiker’s Guild to the Galaxy is now a MOVIE!!! Ok, ok, to all you devoted ones, yeah, I know there are already movies made of the books, but they are akin to the movies made before LOTRs about the Hobbit…this is the legit thing! And I am goin’ to the theaters to see it!!! Anyone who wants in on this, let me know, and we’ll hit the movies!!!
And I, of course am still infatuated with my manga…I am now up to vol.6 on Saiyuki, vol. 4 on RouKen, vol.2 on .hack, vol.1 on W Juliet…any suggestions for future reading, just let me know…
And InuYasha…man, that series is keeping my attention like little else…I can’t wait till I get to see the next installment!! My anime “dealer” better hurry up, I’m fair twitchy with anticipation!
And anyone who is bored and free this weekend, lemme know…the BF is out of town for a bit *ack!!! It makes me soooo twitchy when he’s gone!!! It’s horrible, I know, I never thought of myself as one of those kinds of ppl, gak!!* but if ya want, I can hang, providing its not when I’m at Jason’s party or at work *work still blows*..heh…ok this blog is a bit of a novel, so I’m gonna shut my face ;-)

by a future chess piece

ok, what is with the fucking elevator????????
I DON'T GET IT
so, my former lesson teacher calls me about possibly getting back togather to have lessons again (i hope we do!! she rocks!!), and i'm all like YAY!!!! cuz she's awesome, she's anouther bari sax, and she is accredited to kicking my butt into gear last year, making me practice like a motherfucker, and getting my ass motivated for auditions...so i was bouncing all over the place, just excited all over the place with getting lessons agian from someone who will play bari with me, goddammit! *no offense to my preasent teacher, he rules, really he does, he knows his stuff, he is STELLAR, but he's no bari sax player*
and then the clincher....she wants not only to teach me agian b/c she loves me, but also b/c she can't stand the thought of me taking lessons from my preasent teacher, * apprently he "stole me away from her"....eeeek!!!*.....apprently over some elevator fiasco, that i only heard snippets about, and tried despretely to ignore, as it was NONE OF MY BUSINESS, but here it is! apprently my teacher has had very strong opinions made about him..so i am wondering....am i gonna be a PAWN???!!! or am i just making too much of this? cuz to me this looks like someone attempting to score a point up on someone they feel is an ass...but still...i can't wait to see if i can get lessons with laura agian....she's really awesome....i'll just have to sit there and bite my tongue....cuz i love both my teachers...i just kinda wish they didn't have such strong OPINIONS! ack!!!!!
yup.....i'm reading toooooooooo much into this.....oh yeah....

ok ok....brain teasers!!! *curtesy of psychology class, 1-A*
1. Water lillies double in area every day. At the beginning of the summer, there is only one lilly in the pond. On the 60th day the pond is completely covered. On what day is it half covered?

2. Using 6 equal length sticks, construct 4 equalateral triangles with each side equal to one stick

3. You arrive at a fork in the road. One fork leads to paradise, the other to hell. 2 men stand at the fork who know which road leads to paradise, but one man always lies and the opther always tells the truth. Not knowing which man is which, waht one question can you ask either man to determine your way?

4. If you have brown and black socks in your drawer, mixed in a ratio of 4 to 5. How many will you have to pull out in order to be sure of having a pair of the same color?

5. A man has 4 chains, each 3 links long. He wants to join the 4 chains into a single closed chain. Having a link openned cost 2 cents...having it closed costs 3 cents. the man had the chains joined into a closed chain ( like a necklace) for 15 cents. how did he do this? *drawing apicture of this might help you*

6. The captain of a cargo vessel was concerned that the water level in teh canal lock was too low for his heavily loaded vessel. He was not sure what to do when the lock commandant, who spoke a language he did not understand, tried to offer a solution. A young deckhabd finally came up to suggest a solution: toss the 2 extremely heavy but worthless lead cylinders overboard. Should the captain follow the suggestion? If he does will the water in the lock rise, remain the same, or fall? *i had the most trouble with this one!*

anyway, so have fun with these honeys! and i did make jazz band, but 2nd chair, so i shall justify my wounded pride by sticking with District band, and my ASU audition....anyway

the weekend

ya know...i think i need to sit my self down and have a little chatty chat-chat with my boyfriend...grrrrr.....he really knows how to make me feel childish at times...
anyway, so yeah! open mic this friday!!! horray! yippee, even! and hopefully over the course of the next week, i will find a chance to sit down and put the "finishing touches" on a couple of songs with my guitar-savvy friend jason....and even if we can't manage to get it "perfect" this go round, there is always next time! yay! but seriously, i hope i have time..i mean, i've got a second block release, (long story, "lemme 'splain..no that will take to long, lemme sum up..." i got it to have a class at ASU, ASU was full of dual enrollers so i got 2 free hours in the smack middle of my day) but i am intent on using it to work out at the gym and catch some much needed QT with my amazing (if STUBBORN) boyfriend...so i will have to forgo something this next week....either gym time with jim, lunch time with tony, or cuddle time with my BF...damn it all....and of course, as USUAL it will probably end up being the cuddle time...something i get hardly any of....and probably lunch with tony too....since i am out of school tomorrow, monday shouldn't be too much of a problem, but the rest of the week will be nerve-wracking....dash it all....
and if anyone is inquisitive as to how my Jazz audition went this weekend...well..i dunno...from my standpoint, i thought it sucked....but who knows...*sigh*...even if i DO make it, i will still have to choose between it and District band...i guess it depends on my results...i know it sounds sulky and childish, but if i don't make the top band, i will definately not go to Jazz...i refuse to go from the top band to the 2nd one...my "foolish pride" will not allow it...i am just special like that....once i have had a taste of the top, i don't think i could accept anything else.

so 11 years in 4-H might be about to pay off! i mean, i liked the club..it was annoying at times, but i do have many, many fond memories of the events i participated in that club...blood mobile cookie bakes (over 400 dozen and counting!!!), 4-H even paved the way for me to go to St.Louis whch is further away then i have been in my whole life! (i mean, technically, i had to earn it, but ok)...so i sent in my scholarship applications for 4-H..whew...i hope i get some from them! my wonderful 4-H leader wrote me a glowing letter (according to my mum, i didn't get to see it, of course, sealed envelopes and all that jazz), i do miss her...she was and still is an awesome lady! i mean...she has her own scholarship!! named after her and everything! but yeah...4-H rocked....and it was a such a nice alternative from girlscouts, the FFA and other such organizations....
so tomorrow is my all region jazz audition..as the defending 1st chair, i am gonna have to be absolutely stellar...i mean, i gots to WOW them from the moment i walk in, to the moment i leave....yeah sounds awesome, right..i can see it in a musical actually..the judges at their little table...scribbling fiercely...a spotlight upon them, all the rest of the room in dark...then you hear a door open... a feeble glow begins to highlight a solitary figure, the glow gleaming on the sax strapped around her neck...she paces forward, the light growing ever stronger... she stops some distance off, the judges still have not looked up...she grasps her saxophone..slowly bringing it up....the first mellow notes drip forth, soft at first, but still low, still throbing with soul..she raises her face as the judges stop scribbiling and look up in growing awe, they put down their pencils and just listen...! the melody goes on and on, until...!!! it fades back away....all of the sudden, spotlights! flashy sequins! chorus girls! neon lights! people singing, raging operas, its a musical! hana'li's audition is a show to boot! finally it all dies away, she is left playing her saxophone..calmly, a little sadly after all that sparkle....and then finally....it is over...the spotlight has faded back into a glow..and she turns...and walks back out of the room.
so here's hoping i do well tomorrow!
if i screw up, i'll just break into "Suddenly Semore" and hope someone in the room likes musicals ;)

:(

*sniff, sniff* my Jay has gone back to Tennesse, and left me!!! *WAHH!!*
and i haven't KISSED my boyfriend since monday!!! ahh! the torture!!!!

yippee!!!!

the BITCH is back!!!
hell yeah guys, guess who is first chair, top band in the Northwest District???? yes! me!!!! i made it!!!!! yay!!! this weekend is Jazz, so i have only just started my auditions, but still...! the score is 1 for 1 so far, and i plan to keep going at this same pace!!!! STATE HERE I COME!!!

here we go folks

i quite like the sentiments in this one..but then being a diehard Rush fan helps ;)

Resist Lyrics

more thoughts

my thanks to jason, who helped in this conversation on the grass while we were waiting at district this weekend... i was made to think..and i am grateful to you for it...

What right do I have to judge someone? And if I have no right to judge, when what right do I have to “save” someone else?
My right to judge: I do not have one.
Harsh though it may sound, to not have a right, every person has something unique in their life experience. So my perceptions should not apply totally to anyone else but myself. One should always take into account the individual. No matter how well you believe you know someone, you never have a right to judge. It is so easy to mistake someone, to under- or overestimate them. We may be allowed to “assume” things about a person, (another bad habit) based on our experience with them, but since all a person ever truly knows is their own personality and self, even assumptions are faulty. (No matter that an assumption is just an extension of an opinion, which is, “as it turns out” one of those things most people will fight to the death to avoid changing.)
One cannot also accurately judge a person’s maturity. What is maturity? A perception of the individual who is assessing. And all that individual has to measure another’s maturity against is their own maturity, which they cannot accurately judge themselves, since maturity is something that is based upon one’s perception of the people around them. All I can suppose is that maturity is built upon life-experience, and since one continues to gain experience throughout their entire life, one cannot ever fully mature.
And since I cannot judge someone, I also cannot “save” someone…..much as I may want to, I cannot shield my loved ones from the harms of the world and reality. I may want to right their wrongs for them, to “slay their dragons”, so to speak, but it is not my right. It is not my right to attempt to step in to another’s life, and help them through their own life trials. If I always attempt to do things for them, if I am always there to catch them when they fall, how will they ever learn to take care of themselves? It is hard to do this….it is hard to step back and watch someone you love make their own mistakes….it has always been my hardest obstacle with my little sister in particular. I see things that she has in front of her, and all I want to do is clear her way, to make her life, (which has been hard enough) smoother and easier. I cannot do this….I can help her, but I cannot do it for her….. taking on kids who pick on her is one thing, but trying to get her through the world unblemished, is another…she realizes what is out there, and if I attempt to steer her away from it, then she will grow to resent me for my interference, no matter how good my intentions are.

goodies

as i recieved in the mail today:

"Congratulations. Hannah has been nominated to Who's Who Among American High School Students!
Hannah is in the top 5% of students who have achieved academic excellence and will have an academic biography printed in the 39th Edition of the Who's Who Among American High School Students, along with an opportunity to receive college scholarship......"

etc etc...cool huh? even if it's just some gimmick, i like the thought that moi am a top student..how flattering!

oh! and i got accepting into ASU!! now all i have to do is pass my auditon for the school of music there!!! *hopes for many scholarships*

ramblings

kk folks, i'll stop slacking and write an actual post! ;)
so this monday, having been snowed out of exams before break, all us cute little high schoolers trooped our way to class and began doing..absolutley nothing..seriously, our poor teachers, having been expecting to get on with the year after christmas, just decided to slack..so what's the point? we should have taken our exams the first 2 days back..grrr..stupid administration....anyway, so exams are today and tomorrow, and yours truly, being a fabulous SENIOR , was exempt! so i had to find something to do...and this being the week that kicks off my slew of auditions, i think i will be doing a rather lot of practicing..not to be rude, but this is stuff i can do..it's just creative, improv stuff i have issues with..but thats anouther story...
anyway, so district auditions are this saturday!! epp! i am almost prepared to "school" a bunch of bari sax posers...little bastards, (thats actually an Aussie term of endearment, heh) won't know what hit them! *is getting pumped so she won't psyc herself out* heck yeah! i want to kick some ass!! haha...
and then next weekend, is the west-regional jazz auditions...thank goodness Wink talked the great and musical Jamesy into coming! so now i have a buddy, and hopefully he won't run off to hang with cooler ppl the moment we get there...hopefully i will stay the cool cat there and beat that horrible little jazz- savvy-wanna-be who had the audacity to try to borrow my sax off me last yeah...creep! heh...anyway..i need luck, but i'll settle for lots of practicing paying off! and i would now like to thank my lesson teacher for being an absolute NAZI about scales...i am gonna whoop me some butt this year....scales are usually what holds me back...and everyone hope for lots of snow, so they have to have the clinics for both of these things on different weekends, instead of the same frikkin' one, so i have to choose between jazz and district if i make both!!! the bandmasters association needs their BUTTS KICKED for that particular move!! attending district will look awesome on my resume, but jazz is my particular passion....ack..the choices suck! if i pick district, then i lose my beloved jazz, and if i pick jazz, i can't audition for state! argggh!!!! anyway.......

more song stuff babes!

i absolutely love this song....(yeah, its another slacker entry)

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself,
what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself,
what a wonderful world
----------------------------------------------
and these:

Stardust Lyrics
I Stand Alone Lyrics
Iris Lyrics
How High the Moon Lyrics
I Won't Dance Lyrics
Lady is a Tramp, The Lyrics

deep thoughts

to be complete, poets have romantically noted, one must find love
to be complete, scholars have wisely noted, one must develop one's mind
but can one become complete through both at the same time?
for instance, can one become involved in a realtionship with a wiser, more mature person, and become more developed themselves through that relationship? and is this fair to that "under-developed" person? is it fair to the mature one to have their hard-earned expriance so casually handed off to one who will not have to work quite so hard for the wisdom? and will this eventually create a society of people without the wisdom of age, but rather the wisdom gained from simply picking the brains of the few who have actually lived through the trials needed to get to the knowladge now open for a public of slackers?
comments please...even if you were in on the original convo..this is all rhetorical, so no hard feelings meant...i have an atheist-psuedo-philosophy essay like this...heh..tis too long to post, but if you want it, just ask...

manga lowdown!

hey now, time for the hana'li manga run down!!
so far i have become involved in two series, Saiyuki, and .hack
Saiyuki is a dark and wonderful series about revenge and supernatural resurrections...it has enough science to make me happy, and four wonderful and interesting heros...there is Genjyo Sanzo, the jaded buddhist priest, who carries a gun, smokes and whacks ppl with a paper fan, Sha Gojyo, the half youkai , half human, who is good in a fight, smokes and womanizes, Son Goku, the monkey king who is only 18 but has been imprisioned for 500 years and so is CONSTANTLY hungry, and the last, Cho Hakkai, who has an awesome dragon named Jeep who can transform into...a jeep! Hakkai has the perfect cuffs in his left ear, and they are the inspiration for the cuffs i will be getting as soon as i am able...the drawings in Saiyuki are quite the most convincing i have seen yet, every frame is filled! i am quite taken with all 4 "heros" and i also love the bad guy (who is bad only by circumstance), the youkai prince....silver and i still have four more mangas to get before we complete the series!!! yay! more loving is still in store...
and now for .hack...where Saiyuki is adult and serious, (but still awesome!) .hack is funny and cool! there are many characters, so i won't bother to list them all, but my favorites so far are Ouka of the Devine Fist, a werewolf babe ;) and Balmung, a systems adminstrator, who is a seriously cool mysterious and hot swordsman...silver and i both say thanks to the cool cat who gave silver the first two books for x-mas! it was awesome! heehee....
well, so now i am manga obsessed :) at least my narc of choice is fairly harmless..heh....i plan to soon see if my artistic talents are up to drawing some of my favorite heros...well..copying..but still!

pjs!

new snuggily, "life is good" PJs rock my world! yay for my g-rents! i thnk i dhall spend all my home-time in PJs!!

finally! a new blog!

i am long overdue for a new post, so i shall stop being lazy and write you lovely ppl one!
as some of you know, i went down to g'boro (the ole home city) this past tuesday and wednesday to see some of my babies home from college... well, i must say, a year cerianly does change ppl!
my KT ws still as beautiful as ever (no matter what she protests, that child has always been stunning) and i loved being able to sit down and have such a fun meal with her! applebee's was a good choice my dear! and i think blue color is gonna rock in your hair!!
and Jenny! lord child you are still an absolute HOOT!! i seriously can't wait til you get your bum up here!! i want you to be my roomie! we'll have a blast!!
and to my bestest of friends....hon, you are still wonderful and cool ;) and i think that your hair looks awesome shaggy!
to our little ryan, who is not so little anymore : impressive arms my dear, and silver and i LOVED getting to see you! afterall, you called me a pretty lady on IM, how could i not just love ya??
and to my wonderful, beautiful jon-ism..my dear, you rock..when i left you , you were still very tall, but you had a "proper" short haircut, and were cutely plump..now you are tall, with long shaggy blond hair *always a hot thing* and you have lost your HS plumpness..in short my lovely, you are gorgeous!!!! a real hunk, jk...silver and i wanted to jump you, so watch out! haha, *grr*, jk, hahahaha
also the hana'li is now wonderfully happy..her BF is back in town! yay! after 6 days of missing him so much it was almost torment, he is back..i can hold him once more, i can be loved and held in return..silly us..we are pathetic...hahahaha...yeesh...i loves him :)