down song

to offset the sappiness of my last song, i will now post one that might make ya'll feel better *wink, wink* heehee..the main inspiration for this one was billy joel's "the piano man"

she walked so tough
talked so cool
swingin' her hips
completely at ease

knew it was a bluff
when i offered a light
saw her eyes
desperate, pained

she'd had it rough
ill-used, ill-loved
sorry to be around
weary, soul-bruised

{I can take away her pain
but she might need it
i can soothe her memories
but she wants them
i can give her the world
but she's already been offered it}

she know much of me
as i sit here
singing her songs
false romance, sweet

how hard i work to please
we're together
painted up and for sale
smiling, sadly

me with my piano
tapping out stale songs
her with her dress
pretty, expensive

we can't make enough
to afford us
to buy our souls
complete, avenged

{she can take my pain
but i still need it
she can soothe my memories
but i want them
she can't give me the world
but she can give me a night}

hannah lyrics :)

this is one of my own songs..i usually don't post them, but i thought i might post this one, b/c i'm too chicken to sing it :)

He's 26 years old
his smile is not yet cold
he's the stuff of dreaming

how dare i fall in love
with such a beautiful soul?
someone like him...

I can't help but hold him
this is more than just a whim
and he wants to talk for hours

I accept it, I want it
there go all my plans
and thoughts of him fulfill me

Watching his eyes light up
as he sees me
its the biggest dose of flattery

A brush of vagrent fingertips
a kiss upon my smiling lips
its hopeless romantics

Sunshine lighting my dreary days
shining on my face
...and in his eyes...

With hands like gentle, spring-time rain
and a winning smile that shows no pain
he's the stuff of dreaming

so there...to all of you silly ppl who thought all i wrote was depressing stuff!! hahaaha...

random x-mas remnants

well now...
having absolutly nothing to say, i will do the customary christmas loot-telling:
lots of gift cards, and nice units of monitary exchange, pjs (of course, i loves them!!) earrings (oohhh, shiney!!!), brakes & tires (hahaha..as my mum said, go look under the car dear, and see what santa left you!), Pirates on DVD from my tony, a neat native american flute CD from my favorite guy (it makes me fall asleep, shame on you! jk), and a sweater from my g-ma and g-da..i still have the dreaded Other relations to get gifts from, but i'm trying not to remember that..maybe this year, it will actually be something that's approprate for someone as old as me...unlike some previous years i could mention...anyway, and my beloved aunt could not make it down this year as her kittie was striken with something, we have still not discoverd what yet....we hope Skeeter gets better!!! and we all send much love to our favorite aunt...wish she was here, we really do!!!!
AND I MISS CLAIRE!!!!!!
we should get together next week before sar and i go into work each day!! movies, lunch, playing around, SOMETHING!!!!!!! being absent of boyfriend and school, and having nothing to look forward to each day but hot greasy work, slaving for stupid ppl trying to get heart attacks, i could use some lovin' from my claire!!!
and as always, i miss the ones i love who are not here...you know who you are, and i look forward to seeing each and everyone of you soon..kisses and hugs!

a story, as requested by Claire and the BF

She was tall, lean. A full figured woman in tight black leather, she stood at that run-down spacer's bar like a fallen queen. She ordered a drink, keeping her eyes on the smoke-hazed room, searching for the face of the one dubbed the "Philosopher." She'd memorized the details from the hotsheets enough. He was impossible to catch, they said. But then, they'd said the same about her, once upon a time.
Her familar stirred, crouched at her feet. She dropped a hand to the rough-furred felinoid, allowing it to nuzzle her fingers, before straightening back up to continue her study of the room. La'Jonndra knew how hard it would be to capture the Philosopher so she had made extra sure she brought back-up. KeChara was fine-tuned to her body signals anyway, the big cat was already alert and watchful, at times even getting up to circle her chair before settling back down.
La'Jonndra allowed herself a tight smile as she felt the weight of the blaster snuggled at her hip. It had never failed her. But then, even if it did, there was still the hideout blaster hidden in the small of her back, and the third one pushed down her boots into her ankle holster. She never went anywhere unarmed. Even her intricate hairsticks doubled as throwing knives, once twisted out of their thin wooden sheaths.
Suddenly KeChara went still at her feet, and La'Jonndra's spine tingled. Once she had gotten the big cat, they had formed an instant empathic bond. A bond so sensative that sometimes Kechara knew La'Jonndra's orders before they were vocalized. And sometimes, KeChara let La'Jonndra know about her surroundings in more detail then even La'Jonndra's acute senses could comprehend.
Looking in the bar glass over her shouldar without turning her head, to where KeChara was focused, La'Jonndra noticed a solitary man. He sat in a center table, one half finished drink placed before him. He was dressed much the same as her, in dark fabrics, high boots and intricate weaponry. And he was watching her.
She knew from the hotsheets that this was him. The Philosopher. The man she was to kill. She downed her drink in one gulp, the shot sending firey tendrals to her nerves, almost reaching her cold heart. She pushed back from the bar top, and swiveled to face the lone, dangerous man. He slowly raised his head, and put one gloved hand out towards his drink.
Then, in a single fluid motion that sent the other patrons of the grimmy, dank bar scrambling for cover, he upturned the table he was at, and went for his blaster.
La'Jonndra dove for cover as the hot bolts sang past her and snatched at her own gun. KeChara was already headed around the Philosopher to get at his back. Tracking him with her blaster, La'Jonndra squezzed off shots in quick sucession, none of them managing to hit her target. Likewise his shots missed, only serving, it seemed to enrage him. Darting toward her with reckless abandon, he seemed willing to die.
She waited unitl he was only meters away, and then shot him carefully in the stomach. He toppled, going down on his knees, looking surprised, pained and full of hatred for her. She shuddered and then noticed too late that he still had his blaster pointed at her. He shot her at point blank range, the shot seeming to take forever to impact. She felt her ribs being shattered and let out a roar. She would not die in this backwards, hole-in-the-wall hell!
Twisting her wrist knife out of its holster, she disgarded her gun and lunged for his throat, ignoring the searing pain in her ribcage. He ducked, and brought his own fighting skills to bear. They fought, terribly and briefly, each gaining and losing the upper hand, time and time agian. KeChara circled, looking for an openning, to aid her mistress. She found one and pounced, only to be driven back, a knife in her haunch. At this, La'Jonndra shrieked and doubled her vicious assault. The Philosopher in return, doubled his.
Soon it was all over. Each lay, drenched in both their own blood, and the blood of their enemy, neither one still alive.
KeChara moaned, a deep harsh sound. Her mistress dead, she turned her face to the hard wood of the bar and began the mourning wail of the bereaved.
The barkeep stepped out from behind her bar top. She surveyed the room, and then hunkered down beside the big cat. Pulling the knife from its deep setting in KeChara's haunch, she stanched the bleeding with one large hand, and gathered the big cat up in her arms. She walked around the bar, stepping over the bodies of the bounty hunter and her bounty, ignoring the blood and gore. She only stopped when she came to the storeroom doorway. Looking back, she cast her gaze once more upon their bodies. She shook her head once, and then took KeChara away.

a silly x-mas poem :P

this goes along the same vein as "the Night Before Christmas":

The stockings were hung
on this cold and clear night
awaiting small goodies
and treats to delight

I paced off to bed
benevolently smiling
this christmas was sweet
and all my own devising

I went up to bed
prepared for a snooze
after all it was Christmas
no sleep would i lose!

About three AM
a fashionable hour
i heard a strange roar
like a car full of power

I scrambled from bed
my froggie pjs flapping
stumbled to the window
to see what was happening

Up pulled a Cadillac
to my awe-struck home
blaring Bruce Springstien
and jazz saxophone

Out jumped a reindeer
and opened a door
rolled out a carpet
and stood back on the floor

A solitary spotlight
(they must have come equiped)
shone at that door
and out jumped St. Nick!

In a shiny red suit
that Elvis would love
Santa struck a slick pose
one finger pointed above

"All right you cool cats,
lets get to workin'!
Christmas Eve ain't forever,
and more houses are lurkin'!"

With that suave phrase
he lept into motion
he boogied and spun,
and caused quite a commotion!

My jaw hung loose
beholding this scene
with the reindeer helping
soon that trunk was clean!

{Grabbing up the gifts
Santa slid down the flue
He put out the gifts
The stories are true!

I ran down the steps
The presents to see
A slide guitar, reeds
And a kitten for me!

Grabbing up my kittie
I ran to the door
I stood there breathless
Hoping more was in store!}*

Whiping out his shades
Santa slid behind the wheel
loaded up his eight reindeer
and let his tires squeal!

I heard him bellow
as that car rocked out of sight
"Merry Christmas all you jazz-cats,
Santas left the building tonight!"

* this was added after the orignal posting to help clarify some points
much love!

my first attemt at sci-fi....

Space has loopholes. Sure, in reality, the shortest distance to point A from point B might be a straight line, but circumvent reality all together, and a straight line just looks like a waste of time.
And although it might be noted by skeptics that the first time reality was skewed in such a way the participants wound up gibbering in a loony bin for several months, the fact still remains that any race still plodding along at light speed is hopelessly under-advanced ( or perhaps too rational for their own good).


The imposing, and more than slightly impressive, figure of Gabrielle Dearheart paced the command area of the small pirate ship, Juno. Clasping her hands behind her back and shaking her brown-gold hair off her shoulders, she surveyed the large and important looking port-authority vessel occupying the region of space directly ahead of her ship, and more importantly; directly between the Juno and her docking platform.
Clearing her throat and nudging her second in command, William, she keyed for an open com.
“This is the freighter, the Lion’s Mane, requesting permission to dock. Is there a problem Port-Authority?” she asked politely.
The answer came back almost immediately.
“Yes, Lion’s Mane, we have not yet received your identification codes. This constitutes a suspicious activity, and we may be required to search your vessel if said codes are not forthcoming.” The crisp, no-nonsense tone of the Authority implied that any attempt at negotiation would be unwelcome.
Gabrielle through an acid look at Jamie. The sandy haired techie was frantically scrambling at his keyboard, obviously trying to send the fake codes to the Authority. Gabrielle continued glaring until Jamie punched in the final number sequence and sat back rubbing his neck as though he could feel his captain’s stare.
Gabrielle keyed her com open once more.
“The codes have been transmitted, Port-Authority.” She said, trying to make her voice as musical and innocent as possible. “Is there anything else you need?”
The Authority’s voice had not softened one wit when they replied; “Your codes appear in order Lion’s Mane. You may proceed in docking. In the future, try to have you codes ready to transmit as soon as you enter real-space.”
“Thank you Port-Authority, we’ll remember that.” Gabrielle said in a girlish voice, and cued the com off.
“Jamie!” she snarled, making the bridge in general jump, “What does; "let’s keep a low profile on this one," mean to you? It does not mean last minute code finagling! We all know you’re good. You don’t have to prove it at every friggin’ port!”
The techie had hunched lower in his seat with each acidic word, but had still not turned around. Gabrielle could tell he was trying to deflect her wrath, but that only made her angrier.
“Do you WANT to get caught Jamie?? How does permanent grounding sound to you?!” Gabrielle paused for breath and in doing so gave Jamie a chance to defend himself.
“I’m sorry Gabrielle, honest. The last real-space leap was so spectacular, I just lost track of time.” Jamie had finally turned around and was switching the full effect of his swirling green eyes on Gabrielle.
“Don’t give me that bull Jamie. I know for a fact you’ve never talked like that in your entire life. And stop playing the wounded puppy with me. You’re going to overuse that one of these days and it won’t work anymore.” Gabrielle gave him another glare.
“But Gabrielle, you know you’re my favorite captain in the entire third universe. No one else is as strange or reality-challenged as you are.” Jamie turned one more simpering, earnest look on her and gave an ingratiating smile.
“Oh, stow it Jamie, you’re off the hook... And anyway we’re not actually in the third universe, it being trans-dimensional, and not quite real.” Gabrielle smiled though, to show him he was forgiven.
“I think I may heave.” Spoke a musical, surreal voice from behind Gabrielle. Freesia uncurled herself from around Gabrielle’s command chair and stalked over to Jamie. The red, gold and mahogany sphinx stretched one massive wing forward and cuffed Jamie lightly about the head.
“Even the Gaul’s were not this slimy, and they became the French. Little conniver.” Freesia grinned affectionately, showing her fangs.
“Love you too, Freesia.” Jamie commented sarcastically. “Proper little ray of immortal sunshine aren’t you?”
Freesia merely smirked and stalked back to the command chair, hopping into the black leather seat and settling with her chin resting on the padded armrest.
“Ok, break it up you two, lets get on with docking before the Authority gets itchy again.” William said softly, making Jamie jump.
Gabrielle watched her small but experienced crew fasten the remote cables to the docking bay and connected the hatch. As it pressurized, she smiled grimly. No matter how much they kidded, her crew was still the best independent fighting force this side of Orion.

random story lines....enjoy

It was a pleasant day of no particular note, when the forerunner of humankind first heaved itself onto the beaches, (such as they were, remember, there’s no Maui yet) of Earth. Blinking slowly, flexing a few gills, and looking around in the sunlight, the under evolved little semi-vertebrate seemed a bit overawed.
The frog watched bemusedly. Seeing this newest acquisition to a world already whacky enough, it decided not to pass judgment. When the “acquisition” started to panic, however, the frog decided to hop in and say a few words.
“You know it gets better, right?” said the frog kindly, (and thus creating one of the more exasperating phrases in history).
“Wha…?” gurgled the creature, still obviously reeling, and now starting to wonder if crawling out of the ooze was as good of an idea as the advertising suggested.
“Evolution. It gets better.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” said the frog;”just give it time.” And with that, the frog hopped away, content that its work was done.
The wee developing time bomb left alone on the shore flapped a few more gills nervously and ogled the sky. When it deemed no more help was forthcoming, it sighed, started its way up the dunes, and off the lonely beach.

heh..more songs

ok, i'm gonna be a punk and put up anouther song, b/c its been stuck in myhead for quite some time.... i love garth brooks, so this song is wonderful to me, as are most of his other songs...

Standing Outside The Fire Lyrics


The Beaches Of Cheyenne Lyrics


The Dance Lyrics


The Thunder Rolls (LONG) Lyrics


Wrapped Up In You Lyrics


Callin' Baton Rouge Lyrics


Friends in Low Places (LONG) Lyrics


To Make You Feel My Love Lyrics

ok i think thats enough for ya'll to read! but i truly love this man's songs!

this is one of my favorite songs! by the Barenaked Ladies who are really frikkin' awesome!

If I Had $1000000 Lyrics

babies and winter

to those of you who know why i made that sudden saturday trip to greensboro, just hold on a bit... to everyone else: my favorite married aunt (rebecca) and favorite uncle (of all time, his name is chuck, he's a bass player!) have reproduced....this was a source of dread to me b/c the only first cousins i have met have been absolute pills....its probably all thier parents fault, but still...i despise get togathers with that family...anyway, so i met Sean Joseph, the newest addition to the Eckerd (or Page in this case) clan..and he smiled at me! heehee..none of the wailing and crying that was typical from my other relations, none of the ill-temper, none of the obnoxiousness....he smiled, and laughed at me, and i found myself smiling right back, much to my surprise...this is going to turn out to be a nice cousin! yay! (and i DESPISE babies..i don't want any, and i don't need any!) but he's alright...i might actually admit i'm related to the little bugger..
anyway, it looks like it may snow (may all the gods of little fishes preserve us) but hopefully it won't snow enough to cancel exams..at least not until all our exams are over! then it can snow!!! yay! i'm looking forward (but not, also) to the threatened winter sport lessons from my babies...skiing, and boarding and iceskating! yay!
so thats all for this post, and BTW my claire has visited, i look forward to seeing her LOTS more and her new "boyfriend, " and i loved my pressie!!! i hope she enjoys hers, i listened to my CD all the way down to g-boro and back! it ROCKED! yay! and g'boro traffic sucked...as usual! i'm going back down the 28-29th to visit my honeys home from college, but until then i will enjoy the peaceful surroundings of boone!

yippee!!!

CLAIRE IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh...

ok, i have problems with this posting thing..i managed to post two entries twice..blarg..anyway, i got to swing dance with my favorite guy (yay!) who is, i hope, blissfully happy with a certain girl *crosses fingers for someone she wants to be happy!!* and i have to say, i really need to find someone up here to dance with! i was out of breath and not as smooth with some of the moves as i remember being last semester, but still! its intoxicating for someone as clumsey as i to be able to dance...heehee...anyway, and i am now sending love to all my honeys taking exams *mwah*! do well my loves!
and of course love to the man in my life ;) ...you make me happy!

ok ok

This is going to be one of those entries that harkens back to my depressed days...so hold on…
Most of you lovelies know that I have found a really wonderful, awesome and sweet guy who is making me blissfully happy… but ya’ll also know how much it takes for me to actually let go all my reservations and barriers in a relationship… I worry about hurting my partner, I worry about not loving them in return, not caring as much for them as they do for me…this is why I do not date…well, one of the main reasons…I despise the feeling I get when I first realize I do not love someone the way they would have me love them…it makes my heart feel like lead, and then feel like it has disappeared… its not something I can change, but I have never been big on deep emotions…I am fond of many people, in fact I do truly love a few, but for most I feel only the slightest depth for…its distressing, to say the least…I used to wonder if something was wrong with me, but know I know its just how I am…but my boyfriend...he is making me oh so happy, so amazed at the way he cares…it is truly eye-opening
The other problem I have with relationships is commitment…I used to say I just “got bored” with boyfriends, to make it seem like it was my fault, that I was the one who was to blame for the relationship failing, because I thought it would make it easier on them if they thought it was all my fault...I would rather have them curse me, and avoid me then think less of themselves…I try to take away people’s pain far too much...when I see one of my children hurting I will do anything in my power to try to ease it…it hurts me in return to take away their pain, it makes me feel like their mother, someone who is only there to soothe their hurts, kiss their foreheads and send them on their ways…I try to give them parts of me and I get them handed back without a second thought…I enjoy cooking for them, I enjoy touching them and telling them I love them, but in sooth, it makes me all the more lonely to do this…
I am trying, in some obscure hana’li way to explain what I am feeling right now…relationships usually make me feel trapped, tied down… I think this is mostly because of my view of life and what I want from it…I want to be my own person for a while, because I am very independent, and I want to travel, see the world (as it goes) and meet new and interesting people... I want a career, and I want my own life…I had it all figured out, I would have my life, no one to impede me in what I wanted to pursue, no husband, no children, no ties, no heaviness in my heart because I was responsible for another soul…when I was figuring out my life-plan, I never planned on love…I never planned on actually finding someone worth giving up my plans for…because I think I would have resented that person for life...but now I am confused…I have had this problem before…but in the long run, I don’t know the answer to this one… because this is not a “problem,” it is me being afraid of happiness…me being far too worried about falling in love then actually doing it...what if I hurt this guy who is making me so happy? I am already pretty sure that he will not hurt me, no matter how much of myself I give to him, but I don’t think I could bear it if I hurt him… and so I’m kind of in the same position I have always found myself in…except this time…I care about him…and I want to fall in love with him...in fact I don’t think I have a choice this time, I’m already half way there, jk, how often do I find a guy this wonderful J?? But in all seriousness…this is new to me…and I hope I go about it the right way…this is one thing I will have go right...I will not mess this up… because I think I have found someone….

ok ok

This is going to be one of those entries that harkens back to my depressed days...so hold on…
Most of you lovelies know that I have found a really wonderful, awesome and sweet guy who is making me blissfully happy… but ya’ll also know how much it takes for me to actually let go all my reservations and barriers in a relationship… I worry about hurting my partner, I worry about not loving them in return, not caring as much for them as they do for me…this is why I do not date…well, one of the main reasons…I despise the feeling I get when I first realize I do not love someone the way they would have me love them…it makes my heart feel like lead, and then feel like it has disappeared… its not something I can change, but I have never been big on deep emotions…I am fond of many people, in fact I do truly love a few, but for most I feel only the slightest depth for…its distressing, to say the least…I used to wonder if something was wrong with me, but know I know its just how I am…but my boyfriend...he is making me oh so happy, so amazed at the way he cares…it is truly eye-opening
The other problem I have with relationships is commitment…I used to say I just “got bored” with boyfriends, to make it seem like it was my fault, that I was the one who was to blame for the relationship failing, because I thought it would make it easier on them if they thought it was all my fault...I would rather have them curse me, and avoid me then think less of themselves…I try to take away people’s pain far too much...when I see one of my children hurting I will do anything in my power to try to ease it…it hurts me in return to take away their pain, it makes me feel like their mother, someone who is only there to soothe their hurts, kiss their foreheads and send them on their ways…I try to give them parts of me and I get them handed back without a second thought…I enjoy cooking for them, I enjoy touching them and telling them I love them, but in sooth, it makes me all the more lonely to do this…
I am trying, in some obscure hana’li way to explain what I am feeling right now…relationships usually make me feel trapped, tied down… I think this is mostly because of my view of life and what I want from it…I want to be my own person for a while, because I am very independent, and I want to travel, see the world (as it goes) and meet new and interesting people... I want a career, and I want my own life…I had it all figured out, I would have my life, no one to impede me in what I wanted to pursue, no husband, no children, no ties, no heaviness in my heart because I was responsible for another soul…when I was figuring out my life-plan, I never planned on love…I never planned on actually finding someone worth giving up my plans for…because I think I would have resented that person for life...but now I am confused…I have had this problem before…but in the long run, I don’t know the answer to this one… because this is not a “problem,” it is me being afraid of happiness…me being far too worried about falling in love then actually doing it...what if I hurt this guy who is making me so happy? I am already pretty sure that he will not hurt me, no matter how much of myself I give to him, but I don’t think I could bear it if I hurt him… and so I’m kind of in the same position I have always found myself in…except this time…I care about him…and I want to fall in love with him...in fact I don’t think I have a choice this time, I’m already half way there, jk, how often do I find a guy this wonderful J?? But in all seriousness…this is new to me…and I hope I go about it the right way…this is one thing I will have go right...I will not mess this up… because I think I have found someone….

band and fridays :)

as promised, here is the snopsis of the middle school visit!
since i have a zero period, i was unable to get to the bandroom as early as most of the underclassmen, so when i arrived the room was in a state of semi-advanced chaos..its a good damn thing we weren't using uniforms or i might have backed right back out the door and fled...anyway, even with just t-shirts and instruments, it was utter hysterics...as soon as possible i began herding the excited kiddies onto the two buses waiting for them (thank goodness my percussion/drum-line, whatever, was already loading all their drums onto the van tehy got to utilize..its scary when your maturest section is the drum-line..but those babes have got it togather!)..so back to the yelling, eh hem...now nature has been kind to me in teh lung department..i still can't run worth anything with them, but i can yell in extreme volumes :)so clearing the bandroom out for the most part was easy..i mean, who wants to have me screaming at them point-blank, indoors??? not anyone sane, i should hope..but then there were the dreaded scragglers! yes those few kids who decide it would be *awesome* to lolly-gag and disreguard the Time Of Departure (!!) and show up whenever they damn well feel like it...heh..they got an earful..i have to say one of my few joys remains in letting people who are late for gigs have what-for...hahaha...anyway, getting them onto the bus over with, i walk with Wink to hear my instructions (picking up a stray, very late trombone-ist on the way) and then pick a bus to ride, and get ready to leave...on a side note: its a good thing it was a short trip..i have issues with activity buses..they make me "car-sick"...ugh....boats don't bohter me, but put me in something with brakes and its allllll over....anyway, we get there....and line up in the parking lot (each of us attempting to analyze Wink's convoluted instructions) ..we finally get it togather, and march on in...half of us on one side of the gym, half on the other, one group being lead by me, the other by Keri...my lovely, talented, STELLAR drum-line is making with the cadances, and we proceed to march on in....through a small amount of trail and error, we manage to get the band into two lines, herding the tubas into their places (no brains AT ALL there..typical tubists!! heehee) an action that causes Wink to almost jump up and down with irritation, and then start..from then on it was smooth sailing! we played, we danced, we got the kids moving in that gym!! one funny incedent though: to start off the christma tunes, since we weren't using cadances between them like we do in parades, i had to give 4 quick blasts on the whistle i usually wear around my neck (much to the consernation of the ENTIRE band, they hate that thing!)..welllll..it wasn't my usual whistle..it was one i had had to borrow from wink..i raise it to my lips...give a blast ..."blurp"! comes out...i carry on regardless...3 more high-pitched moose calls issue from my whistle...
regardless the drum-line taps off the beat and the song starts..however, thanks to my background among inner-city kids, i allowed the band the dubious treat of seeing the great, sweet, supposedly motherly drum major mouth words that could have peeled paint...barely containing their glee, most members of the band giggle into their instruments (especially my silly flutes and once agian the irepressable tubas) that song ends...we go through this for all 3 songs...by the end, i'm laughing too, and apparently our two band directors are practically holding each other up...Walker reports later that he was in literal tears of mirth! silly persons... so after that, we march out of the gym, to much applause, and get back on the buses...my drum-babies play a couple more of thier wonderful cadances, one of Jason's quad heads managing to go out of tune in the process, a fact i think shows just how much he demands from those drums in his fabulous playing, and then they too, head for the buses, amidst the middle schools pushing their ways to class..on the way out, a sweet teacher-lady holds open a door for us and tells how much she enjoyed the show and us as musicians...and me? i manage to accidentally whack her in the leg with a drum stand...heh...good thing it wasn't hard..it just goes to show that no matter how much i appear to have it togather on the podium, i really am just a big klutz!
we get back to the school, i send the heathens off to their classes, and it still being 1B i sit with my jazz baies for a bit and then get on with my day...i manage to get out of PE for the last time, as the semester ends in a week, and we are hopefully playing my best sport, *hops up and down with crossed fingers* BADMINTON!! (you might laugh, but i happen to be a bitchin' badminton player! blame my odd childhood for that one!) and finish up my uniform cataloging for Wink (my motherly chore, i also sew hems, buttons, and clean the bandroom...i'm sorry to say i wash the occational dish too, is it a wonder i feel maternal to the little snot-nosed brats? *sigh* i may complain, and they may irritate the hell out of me on a daily basis, but if you hurt one of my babies, its for sure i'm gonna kick your ass)...and i finish up my day in the usual style...spending 4th block sitting cross-legged on top of a table with pins sticking out of mouth and a pair of uniform pants in my hands, sewing away...our christmas concert is nest thursday, eek!...then that night i get to see Without a Paddle at the local cheap-o theater with my honey, a charming young man who likes to pretend to be irritating, but who in reality is a big softie...we spend the whole movie talking, laughing ourselves silly and snuggling...*sigh* he's a keeper! then i get some QT with him before racing home to meet my silly 10pm curfew...its usually later by an hour, but if i'm by myself, the parental units like to worry and make it sooner....and i have one word for my lovely boyfriend..socks!! hahahaha....
on one last note for this horrendiously long blog entry: congradulations on a wonderful weekend Josh! you are such an awesome friend, and you deserve so much happiness! i very, very, VERY much heartily approve, and i look forward to seeing you when you come up here soon! maybe we'll get to swing-dance!! its been ages!

love to a honey

ok, thought i'd get some use out of this blog thingy :)
i'm sending a shout-out to my favorite guy down in thomasville, hoping that his weekend is wonderful and all that he hopes it will be! good thoughts and all my love are with you dearest!
ok that done..what have i to talk about tonight...errmmmm..not much...not much at all...i might have more tomorrow, considering i am doing the whole recruitment of future band students at a middle school..blah..just need to find keri a black suit jacket between now and tomorrow morning..hermmmmm.....

wonderfulness

what can i say? i have been given a guy who is wonderful and kind, sweet and intellegent...he makes me laugh, i can tell him anything... i can now call him my own, finally....and he went about "claiming" me in the most romantic way...he wrote me a poem...yes, ladies, you may sigh, but this one is now taken :) i have not met anyone in a long time that could make me blush, laugh, and walk into things all with just a smile...(no joke about the walking into things either, several lockers and chairs have suffered!)
i held him in my arms and he laughed with me...i have a horrible habit of laughing at everything (its the existential "absurdity of the universe" getting to me, i swear) and he did not take offense, as some guys have,,rather, whenever i began to giggle, he would join in, making it worse! we talked and snuggled, simply enjoying each other's company....and all i can say is wow....i sit and think to myself of the way he makes me feel, and i can't help the big goofy grin that comes over my face... and, like him, if i have anything to say about it, this is one relationship that will last...its just begun, and i already feel like the time before i knew him is vague and distant..i can barely remember what it was like before, the depression, the dark times of my soul-sickness, the dull, lackluster relationships before...as i sit here, i am already looking forward to the next time i see him, the next time i have a chance to laugh, be held, and wrap myself in the warmth of his affection...its blissful and more than slightly addictive, jk ;)
once agian my loves, the stars were breathing taking last night..every heavenly body was aglow and the depth of brilliance was astounding...my old friend Orion was especially wonderful to behold...i think i shall get out the telescope soon....

~*YAWN*~

heh...sooo tonight i started out with every intention of staying up late to talk to my babies on the net, but was thwarted in this by the cursed underhandedness of sleep...i was still fully dressed when i woke at 12:45 to sprint downstairs and see if any of my lovelies were still awake and feeling chatty..heh..maybe i should go back to bed, but i think i shall wait just a little while longer..i was having such unpleasent dreams anyway..but my mother always said one should wait until after breakfast to tell one's dreams, otherwise they might come true, so i don't believe i will share them here..i suppose thats like the warnings agianst eating the food of the fey or something like that..eating breakfast, having the food of this world grounding your spirit here, rather mundanely, actually, you can speak your mind without being whisked off to alternate storylines..see? this is what i think about late at night! no..actually..wait a tic, i do this all the time *sigh* i am such a geek :)
but anyway, today my band director was not here (agian) because this time he was being sworn in as the county commissioner..woot! yay for him! soooo guess who once agian had to step up to the plate and take charge?? i knew it wasn't wise to wait too long to get started, so i let the other two people whose names he left (why does he do that? i never miss school, and no one else ever takes charge) jam away with everyone else, and attempted to get some work done...those of you who follow my life know how awful subbing days are for me..jazz is my favorite genre to play and to listen to, but this class tries every last ounce of patience i have...i honestly don't comprehend some people's lack of love and commitment to the music they are trying to play..even if i HATE a particular piece of music, i still try my damn-dest to get it right...its a matter of pride with me
so anyway, not only that, but i find out later that one of our trumpets, a person i consider at least a casual friend, if not more, commented on my "power trip of the century" WTF??? would she like to be the one up there? the one being abused? the one trying to the bitter end, atually, to get 20 students, half of which she can't stand, to play like a real band? remember now ladies, this is not my job, i have NEVER wanted to teach, this is not my band, but i would hope that "little miss priss," would realize how bad it would be if someone did not care enough to step up to the gallows when its called for...and then afterwards the actual sub (who did not have one SHRED of musical knowlage in his bones, sweet old man that he was, he subbed in PE, used to pilot for the airforce, nice guy) came up and tried to tell me that we needed to practice more...and that we needed to gain a sense of pride in our work....i nearly cried..as i told him, i cannot take the instrument, put it up to the kid's face and MAKE them play..this is high school...get over yourselves kiddies, grow up and practice...and you wonder why i get depressed and stressed out the backside of creation all the time?? this would be why..i tell my self that i like to be the one calling the shots...but there is a huge difference between that and filling in for a teacher in a group of your peers...it wears ya down at times, it really does...so i'm going back to bed...i miss my guy, he makes me feel wonderful, but of course, no one can fix this problem for me...i might have to actually tell the sweetest band director in history how much he really is asking of me, and how badly it is tellin gupon me...not a joyful prospect...and of cousre i will proabably hold my tongue and shouldar on, b/c thats the way i am, but a small, absent-minded thank-you would be nice..does he even realize that i do this when he is gone?? yes, i'm sure he does..but it makes me feel rather small, grey and ill-used when he takes it for granted..maybe i am just bitching for no reason...maybe i shouldn't think this is too much to ask...i don't know
sweet dreams my dears, i'm going to go salvage whats left of my sleep cycle...

:)

hello darlings,
well i must say i am a bit dissapointed in the lack of comments i recieve on my blog..i know it started out as a place for me to tell my college babies what i was doing (and a chance to leave comments on claire's blog, mwahahaha!! *BOUNCE*!) but i would like some feedback..'specially on the insane hana'li story i typed up..heh...anyway

ok dears, here was hana'li's saturday:
i wake up at 9 (my mother is sitting on my bed, having just pounced upon me) i slowly get out of bed, feeling absolutely groggy and with mum bouncing around me, wander downstairs... i get on the computer, and after about an hour of messing around the net with mum ( we have such when its just us..you should have seen us after claire sent us the website for constructing the perfect guy..hahaha!), i run upstairs for a quick shower, and slip into my usual parade outfit; bandshirt, camo pants, black socks and tennis shoes, and gather all my various outfits and supplies for the day...i get to school and herd a group of very scatter-brained, at times annoying, but loved band students onto two buses, all equiped with santa hats, gloves, instruments and hopefully music, and arrive at our parade site...after 45 minutes, we join the herd of parade-go-ers and march down the main street of Boone...keri, my beloved assistant DM, and i dance all the way down the street, generally laughing it up and having a blast (no, i DID NOT fall on my bum, like i suspected i might, but i did trip, so it was a close thing!)
this parade was so much fun, there were klingons (WOW!) storm troopers on 4-wheelers (WOOT!), cabbage queens (some of which were teachers we knew, egad!) ... then one of the new commissioner's model-T caught on fire! right in front of the meat-camp fire truck, thank goodness, haha! two guys jump out with a huge extinguisher and quickly put the car out, after everyone had bailed from it...amazing, eventful and so much fun!
anyway, the parade done, i cram the band back on the buses and get back to school, where i change at warp-speed, carry a huge speaker out to a waiting truck, yell bye to Wink and skeet off to work...i'm there until 5 :45, working my tail off, then i run to my car, get my concert clothes, change and speed off to Blowing Rock for the community band concert, in which i play 2nd tenor beside my friend's father...it took me several attempts to find the school where we are playing and get parked, but i got there with time to spare! it was an amazing concert and afterwards i got to laugh and pal around with some of my friends, and then got to spend some time in the arms of the most wonderful guy around...*sigh* an amazing, exciting and EXHAUSTING day!

goodwill

the dixie chicks happen to be one of my favorite bands of a particular genre, but i have to say, i really don't agree with their lead singer..no matter what you may think of your country, you need to represent it well..do not critisize your home when you are abroad, it is not right...freedom of speech is one thing, putting your foot in your mouth is another.
anyway, by listening to the track on the chicks' latest CD, Home, titled Travelin' Soldier, i was reminded of a service project we used to do in 4-H...by moving i lost track of all those little projects but i think i shall start it back up agian...we used to get togather postcards and get stamp donations and write cards to our soldiers overseas..and now espcially after seeing a note to the editior in a recent Mountain Times about supporting our soldiers, i think it will become my goodwill crusade this christmas...i have been entirely too slack in my community service efforts lately, its time i started a project to bring light into someone else's day...i may be entirely liberal in most views, but when it comes to our troops i give my whole-hearted support...they deserve it.
anyway, come monday, i plan to put up posters and start recruiting people to get this project off the ground... if you want in, lemme know!

new concept

the looking glass self-theory:"i am not who i think i am, i am not who you think i am, i am who i think you think i am"

thank you jason, that explains a lot....socialogy seems ot be an interesting class

soul-bruised

it seems i might have inadvertantly hurt someone i care about...which is surprising considering how empathic i am..maybe years of surpressing my emotions and senses have finally taken their toll...i was shocked and very hurt to read a comment from said friend, that stated that i needed to get over myself...with my sudden and complete joy at finding a person who cared for me, i think i have forgotten how radical happiness is from my usual mood...yes, i "fell victim to one of the classic blunders," in that depression seems to find my disillusioned state a very nice place to breed... but i wonder if my friend realizes how small my sense of self-worth is...i don't consider myself talented any more, i consider myself a plain person who happens to occationally "find a truffle" as the saying goes...my life is hard work, honey, its being used as the universal band bitch, its having to clean up after countless people who can't take care of themselves (i dread seeing the uniform room on monday) its being the youngest and most taken for granted at work, its a hard path to take...and just when i finally feel physically wanted, when i finally feel like i can open myself up to someone and be happy, i am suddenly chastised for believing in my ablilty to make someone else's day brighter...am i not allowed to have this time? the first flush of blissful happiness in a relationship? i am sorry if this offends you....and i am sorry that you, one of my most trusted and beloved friends would try to cast me down for the sudden wealth of stale emotions flooding my being...i so rarely find a person i can trust, a person whom i might love, like i know i can love...i am a contradiction shields..a messed up oxymoron who has yet to discover a relationship that has not made her misreble...i am sorry honey...but i can't help my joy..and i hope you feel avenged for it..you made me cry, you killed my wonderful day...you won! go you!
i don't do well with love..but this contempt...this i am used to...my father...the boys i would love...my own band...and now you...why my darling? am i really as awful as i believe i might be in my darkest, midnight, soul-sick hours? can i not savor the new freedom that i have discovered as the shackles that have tethered my heart slowly slip away? i actually understand what you say..and i hurts me to find that i agree with you on some points...but right now..right now i will have my happiness, because i believe my years of penatence for breaking a boy's heart long ago are over...i have been given another chance at love and i am taking it..just as i love you, i may be allowed to love another...

note to the wise

ok darlings, word to the wise...only getting three hours of sleep is not good for anyone...with my mother threatening to drug me to get me to sleep more, and the irrisistable urge to run my mouth online influencing me, i can only say this....well, i guess i'll be getting off line a lot sooner then most of ya'll have seen me do...anyway..
oh, and the stars were beautiful last night...absolutely wonderful...

a lovely post

well my dears..it seems the hana'li has found a fellow...i thought it would never happen again, yes, thank-you very much, i had my shot at happiness, i blew it, (never mind the fact it takes two to make a relationship work, it still was my fault somewhere, i'm sure) but it seems i was wrong... the sun shines through after all...i don't feel like sharing him with even you, my lovely readers, right now, i'd rather just sit here and marvel at what a wonderful guy he is... amazing... me, the foul-tempered, the bossy, the bluntly honest, is found attractive by someone...it practically boggles the mind...he is a gentleman, and he makes me happy...every step is lighter, every day is brighter, nothing seems all that horrible any more...hermmm..i seem to be "infatuated," to quote....but i really don't care...he makes me truely happy, and that is probably the nicest thing that has happened to me in a very long time

a story

Before you lies anouther zero B rumination..this is what taking Advanced Placement courses does for you:
{ a grandfather surrounded by his grandchildren, telling a bedtime story}
" The story started in that old cliche fashion; thunder thundered, rain rained, and small furry creatures ran like the dickens to avoid hail the size of either really small boulders, or really big pebbles...golfball-like hail you might say, reflectively stroking your chin, it was exactly the size of golfballs....
But the weather was not important, nor was the brooding figure in the window polishing a knife..ignore him...no, what you should be focusing on is the dog...yes! the dog who was at that very moment sleeping..sleeping with such a sinister look of contentment upon his furry face that it was practically criminal..the beast was probably dreaming about rabbits from the way he twitched... defenseless bunnies, the horror!!
Actually..no..wait a tic, focus on the sinister knife sharpener agian, the dog is distracting... As he probably means to be, the diabolical little mutt, why i'll bet..oh dear...there we go agian, sorry...eh hem, back to the killer...
Yes, that is what the knife-welder is, a killer!"
..a dog-killer...
{the grandmother bustles into the room} no no! the dog means nothing to the plot! shut up about the bloody dog!
{the grandfather} sorry, sorry! now where was i? ah yes...
" With much Macbeth-like dramatics, the man with the sharp object stalked towards the kitchen where his unsuspecting victim lay...he paused at the door..there the poor sod was...peaceful with the world...
the murderer lept across the room, brandishing his deadly weapon, and with a sudden downward stroke...!!! it was all over....
The ruthless killer stepped back to admire his handiwork.."ah yes," he thought to himself, his twisted little brain swimming with pleasure;" there is one more perfect cut."
Smiling, he reached down and picked up his perfectly sliced sandwich, and went upstairs to bed."

Oh, and by the way, for some odd reason, Silver has now banned me from reading anymore Douglas Adams for a while...heehee...wonder why :)

a story

Before you lies anouther zero B rumination..this is what taking Advanced Placement courses does for you:
{ a grandfather surrounded by his grandchildren, telling a bedtime story}
" The story started in that old cliche fashion; thunder thundered, rain rained, and small furry creatures ran like the dickens to avoid hail the size of either really small boulders, or really big pebbles...golfball-like hail you might say, reflectively stroking your chin, it was exactly the size of golfballs....
But the weather was not important, nor was the brooding figure in the window polishing a knife..ignore him...no, what you should be focusing on is the dog...yes! the dog who was at that very moment sleeping..sleeping with such a sinister look of contentment upon his furry face that it was practically criminal..the beast was probably dreaming about rabbits from the way he twitched... defenseless bunnies, the horror!!
Actually..no..wait a tic, focus on the sinister knife sharpener agian, the dog is distracting... As he probably means to be, the diabolical little mutt, why i'll bet..oh dear...there we go agian, sorry...eh hem, back to the killer...
Yes, that is what the knife-welder is, a killer!"
..a dog-killer...
{the grandmother bustles into the room} no no! the dog means nothing to the plot! shut up about the bloody dog!
{the grandfather} sorry, sorry! now where was i? ah yes...
" With much Macbeth-like dramatics, the man with the sharp object stalked towards the kitchen where his unsuspecting victim lay...he paused at the door..there the poor sod was...peaceful with the world...
the murderer lept across the room, brandishing his deadly weapon, and with a sudden downward stroke...!!! it was all over....
The rutheless killer stepped back to admire his handiwork.."ah yes," he thought to himself, his twisted little brain swimming with pleasure;" there is one more perfect cut."
Smiling, he reached down and picked up his perfectly sliced sandwich, and went upstairs to bed."

Oh, and by the way, for some odd reason, Silver has now banned me from reading anymore Douglas Adams for a while...heehee...wonder why :)