~*YAWN*~

heh...sooo tonight i started out with every intention of staying up late to talk to my babies on the net, but was thwarted in this by the cursed underhandedness of sleep...i was still fully dressed when i woke at 12:45 to sprint downstairs and see if any of my lovelies were still awake and feeling chatty..heh..maybe i should go back to bed, but i think i shall wait just a little while longer..i was having such unpleasent dreams anyway..but my mother always said one should wait until after breakfast to tell one's dreams, otherwise they might come true, so i don't believe i will share them here..i suppose thats like the warnings agianst eating the food of the fey or something like that..eating breakfast, having the food of this world grounding your spirit here, rather mundanely, actually, you can speak your mind without being whisked off to alternate storylines..see? this is what i think about late at night! no..actually..wait a tic, i do this all the time *sigh* i am such a geek :)
but anyway, today my band director was not here (agian) because this time he was being sworn in as the county commissioner..woot! yay for him! soooo guess who once agian had to step up to the plate and take charge?? i knew it wasn't wise to wait too long to get started, so i let the other two people whose names he left (why does he do that? i never miss school, and no one else ever takes charge) jam away with everyone else, and attempted to get some work done...those of you who follow my life know how awful subbing days are for me..jazz is my favorite genre to play and to listen to, but this class tries every last ounce of patience i have...i honestly don't comprehend some people's lack of love and commitment to the music they are trying to play..even if i HATE a particular piece of music, i still try my damn-dest to get it right...its a matter of pride with me
so anyway, not only that, but i find out later that one of our trumpets, a person i consider at least a casual friend, if not more, commented on my "power trip of the century" WTF??? would she like to be the one up there? the one being abused? the one trying to the bitter end, atually, to get 20 students, half of which she can't stand, to play like a real band? remember now ladies, this is not my job, i have NEVER wanted to teach, this is not my band, but i would hope that "little miss priss," would realize how bad it would be if someone did not care enough to step up to the gallows when its called for...and then afterwards the actual sub (who did not have one SHRED of musical knowlage in his bones, sweet old man that he was, he subbed in PE, used to pilot for the airforce, nice guy) came up and tried to tell me that we needed to practice more...and that we needed to gain a sense of pride in our work....i nearly cried..as i told him, i cannot take the instrument, put it up to the kid's face and MAKE them play..this is high school...get over yourselves kiddies, grow up and practice...and you wonder why i get depressed and stressed out the backside of creation all the time?? this would be why..i tell my self that i like to be the one calling the shots...but there is a huge difference between that and filling in for a teacher in a group of your peers...it wears ya down at times, it really does...so i'm going back to bed...i miss my guy, he makes me feel wonderful, but of course, no one can fix this problem for me...i might have to actually tell the sweetest band director in history how much he really is asking of me, and how badly it is tellin gupon me...not a joyful prospect...and of cousre i will proabably hold my tongue and shouldar on, b/c thats the way i am, but a small, absent-minded thank-you would be nice..does he even realize that i do this when he is gone?? yes, i'm sure he does..but it makes me feel rather small, grey and ill-used when he takes it for granted..maybe i am just bitching for no reason...maybe i shouldn't think this is too much to ask...i don't know
sweet dreams my dears, i'm going to go salvage whats left of my sleep cycle...